Scars run deep

Scars may or may not always be visible. Some of us go to our Rheumatologists quite often. And at these visits we are given the prospect of surgeries that will have to happen in the future. Sometimes those surgeries can leave ugly scars. Although the hardest part about surgery isn't the scar left behind; it is actually the realization that this roller coaster is NEVER ENDING. We will die this ugly fate. We will begin to shut down organ by organ. We will begin to avoid what we used to welcome as fun just because we are afraid that we can't handle it. But is that what God wants for us? Is that what he meant when He gave us this life? He knew, HE KNEW, us BEFORE we were born. And yet He knew the struggles we would have. So, why throw in the towel? I say fight! Fight like the Dickens and give God all of the glory! We don't know how this story will unfold exactly, but we know that His strength is in us. And His scars were greater than mine! So I guess wearing them with pride won't be so bad! 

Cancer vs autoimmune.....who wins this epic battle?

Often times we as Spoonies experience ignorant people who make you wish your disability was so visible that they would just eat their own words for breakfast. A few years ago, my RA took a turn for the worst, and began progressing so rapidly that I had to get a handicap placard. The registration clerk warned me of the harshness of the public. She stated that people didn't care about the type of car.  The only thing that mattered was the fact that I was a young woman with an invisible illness that "looked healthy". A few Christmases ago I had the public ignorance show when a man cussed me because I didn't look handicapped. This came DAYS after I had a hand surgery. After that encounter I started to feel like cancer patients have it so easy. They get the break that Spoonies so need and desire. They get the understanding and sympathies. While we are still proving that the attacking cells in our blood are not poison, yet we have to use the same poison the cancer patients depend on to live. The only exemption is that these cancer patients get to be free of their burden when they reach then end of their rainbow. The life of a Spoonie is not that forgiving. We have to continue with the poison. We have to continue with the ignorant comments, horrendous insurance companies who need proof of our illness ever time we start or stop a new med, and the prospect of maybe one day they will beat RA just like they have beaten cancer. Until then I still say, Spoonies have learned that our need to always be positive is essential in our continuous journey of the mythical pot at the end of a never ending rainbow.

When pain is your trusted companion

We all laugh at the generic hospital pain scales that we see posted at different medical facilities. The truth is, we live with pain just like we would tolerate a distant relative who has overstayed their welcome. Though sadly, after so many years, pain is only noticed when it's screaming at you in the face. No one gets it. No one gets that every move, every feeling has to be precisely calculated. One super stressful day, one sickness, one wrong response can trigger a series of events that can take weeks to overcome. In the meantime, your heating pad becomes your best friend and you keep telling yourself and everyone around you that you're just fine. Mind over matter. If we ever did let ourselves give into pain, the outcome could be debilitating. But how can we allow pain to have that much power? Sometimes grabbing the mythical bull by the horns and hanging on for the ride is the only choice we have.